One of Those Days

[Jade Waylin]

Jade had to admit that yesterday was great for her. The resort was very light-hearted and she felt that she hadn't had a vacation like this in centuries. Peyton was right. Jade just needed a break.

Today she was heading down to the room where Melanie and Rani were staying. She hadn't seen Jared all morning, but she was just assuming that he was with Damien. It was noon by now.

It only took one knock for Melanie to open the door. "Jade? I was just heading out."

"Glad I could run into you, I guess. I wanted to ask if--"

"Have you seen Jared recently? I was with him, and I probably should have been paying more attention. He wandered off when I wasn't looking."

Jade frowned. "No, actually I haven't seen him all day. What has he been doing?"

Melanie ignored the question and quickly glanced down both directions of the hall. "I was really hoping that you knew where he was, Jade."

"Well, that's what I was going to ask you, but I guess that's fine." Melanie silenced. Jade eyed her curiously. Obviously something was going on.

Obviously it was just one of those days again.

[Melanie Lusner]

Melanie groaned. This was bad. Asking Jade was a little too hopeful. Leaving Jared unattended on days like these was a little too drastic for her.

"Is something the matter, Melanie?" Jade asked. "You're acting a little upset about this. I think that Jared is old enough to walk about without supervision."

"Not on a day like this." Jade seemed genuinely oblivious. Did she really not know what was going on? "Did... my brother not tell you what Swaying does to him?"

"Not entirely. Is he okay?" Something flashed in Jade's eyes. Melanie turned back to her door and opened it, ushering Jade inside behind her.

"So you don't know what happens to him beside the mood swinging stuff?"

"Apparently not." Both frowned.

"Oh." There was a silence that hung there. "Okay, well... it's a little complicated, so I'll just give you the gist of it. We don't have much time." Jade sat down on the edge of her bed, Melanie locking the door.

"This only happens a couple times a year, not very often at all, but it isn't easy keeping track of him. There are just these days where he kind of falls into a depression whereas he doesn't even know why he's sad. He just is." Jade didn't comment. She kept to herself.

"The only thing is, you know how miserable Jared can get, Jade. His mind will lead him to do things that he'd never do if he wasn't Swaying. Days like these I try to keep him in my sight. You never know what might happen with him." Melanie hesitated. "Or to him, I should say." Jade never took her piercing green eyes off her. It was a little alarming.

"We need to find him," she finally stated. Thoughts swam behind those innocent eyes of hers.

Just as she was headed out the door, Melanie stopped her. "Jade. If you find him I want you to be careful. Like I said, I don't know what will happen." Jade nodded to her and rushed out. It was the last that she'd see of her for a while.

[Jade Waylin]

It didn't take long to find him. She had run out to the main courtyard first, straight into the falling snow. "Jared!" she called out into the thick frozen air.

Jade spotted him sitting on one of the icy benches. When she ran up to him, he wasn't even looking at her. She sat down beside him closely, but Jared's expression was that of stony ice, as the atmosphere around him.

One thing she knew about him, was that he didn't drink much. If he was to drink at all, it was only a tasteful amount of red wine at a dinner or something. Jared never overdid it. Now, her views were challenged. He gripped a honey-colored bottle of beer in his hand, more than three-quarters gone. Jade worried herself about how much he had had before she had come.

He kept staring ahead of him, and Jade noticed his jacket on the ground. He didn't look cold in the least bit. All the same, she picked it up and dusted it off. "You must be freezing," she murmured. "Although you are always warm." Jade put the jacket around him anyway. His silence was unnerving to her in more ways than one.

Jared lifted the bottle again, but she stopped him half way, pushing it down again. "Stop." For the first time that day, Jared looked at her, but she regretted it in the end. The complete sorrow in his eyes was too much for her. Naturally, his eye color was different now. It was a deep blue, sparkling like oceans under sunlight. Only there was no light in those eyes. That was clear to her.

"Jade," he whispered to her. Jared's voice came out as a weak sound. It nearly broke her heart to see him in this state. Tears sprang in his eyes, and he spoke to her again. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about?"

He seemed more upset now. "I don't know." He dropped his gaze. Jade couldn't tell if it was that he didn't want to tell her or he just really didn't know. Both of which were possible options because she could never tell what he was thinking.

Jade pulled him into an embrace, and he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder. "It's okay," she murmured to him while rubbing his back.

"It's not," he mumbled whilst words muffled. Jade didn't want to see Jared this way, but she knew she had to be there for him. He was always there for her.

They were there in the middle of the snowy courtyard for a long time. Jade wished that she could cheer him up, but it was impossible. If someone was sad for absolutely no reason, how could you find a way to make them happy? It didn't make sense. The only way she saw getting through this was to just wait for the day to pass by itself. Tomorrow Jared would be back to normal.

[Jared Lusner]

Jared felt Jade's arms around him, but he still couldn't control his emotions. It was just like it always was when he Swayed. The little voice in his head was yelling at him to get control of himself to no avail of course. And all the time he knew it wasn’t real, he couldn’t help but feel genuinely awful. It made Jared angry, but he just couldn’t be angry. Jared could only be sad.

He felt even worse that Jade had to put up with him. Jared knew that she was here by choice, but he didn’t want her to be miserable with him. Either that or Melanie had sent her to him. His sister tended to believe that these days gave him suicidal tendencies. Jared didn’t blame her, but those thoughts only occurred when he actually found something to be depressed about.

Like now.

Swaying worked in an ingeniously terrible way. It only took what it needed itself to survive. Melanie always thought that Swaying rooted from bad thoughts that were already there, but he knew differently. Swaying happened on its own. It only fed on other bad feelings to fortify itself, make it stronger. That’s how he figured out why it was worse sometimes.

Now, with everything going on, he couldn’t possibly keep the suicidal thoughts farther away like he usually did. He was stressed about Jade and whatever trouble she had gotten into. Jared felt awful about not telling her what he suspected would come about from his Swaying. He also felt the usual heartache he had for Jade.

This trip was a nice distraction from the real world. Focus on the positive things, he thought adamantly. Push this away. Jared tried to just think in the moment. He realized that with the way Jade’s arms were around him, he felt safe and maybe a little happy, should happiness be an option on a day like this.

Jared didn’t know how drunk he was, if he was even drunk at all. With his condition it was sometimes difficult to tell. On any normal day of his life, Jared wasn’t a big drinker at all. He wasn’t much for alcohol, or more specifically booze. He knew that keeping himself stable would be a good idea, but somehow he was drawn to these actions, in a way that was impossible to explain.

For the first time, Jared noticed that there were tears on his face. And all of a sudden the pain became more physical than it was mental. It certainly frightened him, as what he was feeling now was very similar to what he had felt at the Coven Cove. Too similar. It was that searing burn in his chest again. He clenched his eyes shut and kept his teeth gritted. Jade must have noticed.

“Jared, is everything okay? I mean, beside the Swaying thing.” Her pretty green eyes looked too concerned. All he could muster up was to shake his head. “What’s wrong? You feel pain?”

Jared nodded. “Like… what happened… before.” Then came that wrenching in his chest. Jade leaned him against her, so that he was completely in her arms.

“Jared,” was all she could say. She looked just about as frightened as he was. The stinging was strong enough to push the Swaying into the back of his mind. He could barely feel the depression now compared to the burn. Jade looked as if she was going to faint with panic.

“Jared, you’re eyes are red again.” He felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness. “We need to get you inside.” Not again, he thought. Please not again.

[Jade Waylin]

Jade had at first been paralyzed with fear, but when she saw his eyes change to a frightful red she knew that she had to do something. “Do you think you can make it back? To at least your room?” He seemed to not even want to try, but he answered differently.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? If it’s too far, I can just…” But she didn’t know what she’d do if it was. Jared shook his head.

“N-No. I’m okay.” Jade helped him up from the bench. He was wobbly, just like the memory he had shown her. He held on to her tightly, but still gentle enough not to hurt her. It made Jade terribly sad to know that even in the state that he was, Jared was still looking out for her.

It took longer than it would have normally to reach the building. Jared stumbled a few times, but she caught him. They scored a few wayward glances from onlookers. He had to direct her to where his room was. When she had pushed open the door, Damien was waiting inside.

He immediately noticed Jared’s state. “What’s the matter with him?” Jade only gave him a frightened glance.

“Jade, I—” Jared started, but he was interrupted when he suddenly fell limp in her arms. Jade struggled to hold him up. Damien rushed over to help her move him to the bed.

“We don’t know what’s wrong. Jared thinks it’s his Swaying.” He frowned at Jared’s unconscious body. Jade wiped away little tears from her eyes. “I can’t stand to see him like this.” Jade knew that Damien felt ill at ease with this going on. He didn’t know much about this.

“He just loses consciousness?”

“You can tell it’s happening when his eyes turn red.”

“Red?” Damien looked puzzled, so Jade touched his shoulder to show him a brief memory of looking at Jared with those eyes. When showing memories, the connection always worked better when you were in physical contact. Damien’s frown deepened when he saw.

“Jared also gets these awful pains in his chest.” Jade recalled how his pains felt. The first time, Jared had accidently shown her how the pain that he felt when he was showing her a memory. She shivered at the recollection.

“He doesn’t know why this is happening? That’s odd.”

“I know. Something’s happening to him because it hadn’t happened before.” Jade paused, taking a deep breath as she glanced back down at Jared. He looked almost peaceful, as if he was sleeping, but she knew better. Under that mask he was still enduring the burning sting inside him. “I think Jared has an idea of what’s happening to him, but… he won’t tell me. Every time I bring it up he’ll either apologize to me or change the subject.”

Damien answered with silence. But then he put a hand on her back in a comforting way. “I’m sorry, Jade.” She looked up at him questioningly.

“Why?”

He sighed heavily and pulled up a chair beside Jared’s bedside. Jade sat down on the bed next to Jared. “Ever since I first saw you two together, I assumed the way you felt about him. I know now how you care about him.” Jade brushed another few tears away. “I’m sorry, Jade, that you have to deal with this. I don’t know what I’d do if…” But he trailed off and said no more.

Jade smiled weakly at him. Damien really was a sweetheart, if most people didn’t know it. He was rather quiet and reserved, but when he warmed up to you he was great company. She understood why he was Melanie’s best friend. “Thanks Damien.”

He nodded. “It’s nothing, Jade. I truly am sorry.” There was a calm silence between them, and Jade reached over to hold Jared’s hand.

“Would you… would you mind doing a favor for me?” asked Jade hesitantly. Damien was listening. “Would you tell Melanie what’s going on with Jared for me? She already knows that I’m looking after him. I just want her to know what state he’s in.” He nodded.

“Of course, Jade. You’ll be okay here then?” Jade glanced at Jared’s calm face and then looked back to Damien.

“I believe so. I don’t want him to be alone.” Damien nodded and headed out. Now all that was in the air was silence. It was unnerving. She wanted to speak with Jared.

“Are you okay?” She thought toward him. He didn’t answer for one scary moment.

“I guess so.” Jade was relieved to hear his voice, even if it was in her head.

“Can you feel anything?”

“Besides the burning in my chest? I can’t move at all, but I can feel your touch.” Jade felt tears rolling down her cheeks when he said that. She squeezed his hand gently. “Do you have tears in your eyes?”

“N-No.”

“You do. Why would you lie to me?”

“I’m sorry. I just… don’t want you to feel bad, Jared. Not now.”

“You know I hate it when you cry. Especially over me.”

“Exactly. I don’t want you to worry about me now.”

“I always worry about you.”

“I know.” Jade paused. She didn’t want this again. She definitely didn’t want to argue with him. Jared was in enough depression as it is. Jade hoped that he’d wake up soon. This was one of those days that she didn’t want to live through.

[Jared Lusner]

Today was full of odd miraculous things. Jared had continued talking with Jade in her thoughts like they had before. The sting was dulling much quicker this time, and he wondered what was going on. Jared didn’t dwell too much on it.

Inside his mind, the depression of his Swaying was gone. It was as if he had gained all of his sanity back. The only thing he had to pay in return for it though was the guilt that he felt for thinking certain thoughts when he was Swaying.

He knew that Jade would be bothered to no end if she knew, but somehow he felt like the guilt would stay with him forever if he didn’t tell her. He had to for whatever reason. The darkness around him happened to have that effect on him.

Just as he was about to say something to Jade, he felt something lurch in his chest. His pulse began rapidly rising and then fell lower than any healthy heart would have dared to go. Jared gasped, suddenly breathing raggedly. He didn’t even notice that his eyes were open, and he was sitting bolt upright on the bed in his room.

“Jared?” Jade asked, her eyes swimming with panic and concern. And just after that moment passed of barely being able to breathe, his heart beat quickened back to its normal pace. Jared realized that he was panting heavily.

He glanced at Jade, and she stared back at him. The next moment he had his arms hugging her. It was his only solace after being so frightened. Jared thought that he was certain that he was going to die at that scary moment, but he didn’t. He felt like crying in her arms, but he didn’t.

Jade held him tightly, not saying a word. He was sure that she didn’t know what was going on, but to be honest he didn’t really either. Jared spoke first. “I… I thought I was going to die, Jade. I’ve never felt like that before.” As she held him, Jared realized that tears were in fact falling silently down his face.

“I’m sorry, Jared,” she whispered in turn. “I’m so sorry.” Another lapse of silence fell. When he finally pulled back away, Jared wiped the tears from his eyes. He stared at the ground with a look of devastation on his face. Jade put a hand on his arm.

“I’ve never been in a situation where I felt like that,” he murmured again. “I-I… was scared.” Jared looked at Jade desperately. “I don’t want to go.”

She gave him a gentle look that warmed him a little. “You don’t have to, Jared.” He wasn’t too sure about that.

[Jade Waylin]

Jade wasn’t sure how to react to what had just happened. It was all so fast that she couldn’t understand what was going on. All she knew was that she was pretty sure Jared had stopped breathing for a moment there. And that scared her. A lot.

Jade could tell that he was frightened too, making her worries worse. Jared liked to keep most of his emotions pent up, so when he looked really scared, he was really scared. When Jared is scared, then something awful must be happening.

He had said to her that he was afraid he’d die. That comment disturbed her the most in more ways than one. Jade felt like her whole life was falling to pieces. What if Jared did die? What if he actually stopped breathing? She didn’t want to find out. She kept thinking back to the nightmare she’d had while unconscious.

Jade wanted to have Jared hold her and tell her that it was all right. That everything would turn out fine in the end. Instead, she reached out to him once more. Jade gently pulled him into a hug. She felt him sigh shakily against her shoulder. It worried her, him acting like this.

Even though he acted differently, Jade knew that she had to be there for him. He was always there for her. Always. The trouble was that he was also the one who always knew what to say to her to make her feel better.

“Jade,” he murmured after a long time of holding each other. “I… need to tell you something. Or rather show you.” She frowned, wondering what else he had to share. “But I can only show it to you if you promise not to be mad at me at all.”

“I’m never mad at you.”

“Please just promise me. This is much worse than anything I’ve done.” Jade wasn’t sure if she wanted to know anymore, but she doubted that there was anything that he could have done to make her angry.

“I promise that I won’t be mad, Jared.” That’s when he took her hand.

[Jared Lusner]

Jared really hoped that she wouldn’t be mad. He wouldn’t be able to take it after all this. “I need to show you some of the… thoughts that I’ve had,” he murmured. Jared really didn’t want Jade to see this, but he promised that he’d try to be honest with now. Ever since the Undead Masquerade he’d felt like this. Ever since the way she had looked at him when she knew that he was lying to her. It broke his heart to see her look at him that way. Broke it into little pieces.

And just like that, the memories of his thoughts flew out of him. When Jade saw them at first she had closed her eyes. Jared knew that she was unhappy with what she saw. The worst reaction of all was when tears started falling down her cheeks. He had been afraid that she’d cry over this.

The thoughts that he showed her were the thoughts that he’d had when thinking of suicide. Jared didn’t think that he’d ever really commit suicide, but he had considered several times. Recently, he decided that he wouldn’t unless something truly awful happened. Jared knew that Jade wouldn’t take this well, so he stopped showing her his thoughts. He felt terrible about hurting her this way.

She had her head in her hands, still crying softly. Jade wasn’t angry; he knew that, but she was very, very upset. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I only felt that I needed to be honest with you.”

Jade shook her head, her hands still covering her mouth and nose. Her words were muffled, but he still understood. “I… I never knew. I never knew how bad it was.” She seemed so miserable at the prospect. “Ever since that night at the mansion, my worst fear was that you might be suicidal, Jared. I never thought that my fears would be confirmed.” That was a good knife in the chest right there.

Jade put her hands down and looked at him with emerald eyes that glittered with sadness. He pulled her into an embrace to stop her tears. “I’m so sorry it got this bad,” whispered Jade. He began stroking her hair gently, comforting them both at the same time.

“I won’t kill myself, Jade.”

“What if you did? You’re Swaying is so unpredictable, Jared. I’m scared.” She paused and more tears came. “I’m so scared.”

“Don’t be scared, Jade. I don’t know what’s happening, but please don’t be scared.” This was all so awful for him. Jade seemed to take it worse than he was. Jared squeezed her hand. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe this Swaying thing is just another side effect. Maybe nothing was going to happen after all.

Jared doubted that this was nothing, but it didn’t hurt to have some sort of hope.

[Jade Waylin]

Jade tried so hard to be comforted by his words, but the things that he had been thinking of were horrible. She never would have thought that he’d consider suicide. It killed her on the inside, and it made her wonder if he could tell. Jade wanted him to know, but she also didn’t want him to worry. Either way she’d lose.

Jade rested her head on his chest, and Jared put his arms around her. How could she help not being scared? Jared was considering suicide, and she should just not worry about it? Melanie was right; anything could happen on a day like this.

Maybe by tomorrow everything would be fine again. Jared wouldn’t be so depressed, but Jade didn’t have something like that to take the sadness away. Her depression would still be there. All she could do was mask it like she usually did. I’m starting to think bottling all this up is unhealthy…

“Jared, are you still feeling as bad as you did?” He paused, and then as he was about to answer he stopped himself and sighed.

“Not… well—” Jared stopped abruptly. “I don’t know, Jade. It’s difficult to tell.” She put her hand over his heart.

“Your pulse seems okay. Better than last time.”

“Last time I didn’t stop breathing.” Jade frowned.

“Don’t talk like that, Jared. You act like this is total doomsday. I care about you, and I want you to be safe.”

He dropped his gaze. “Sorry.” Jared was easily guilted. Jade made a quick decision then. They had to do something to distract themselves.

“Jared, you need to come with me.”

“What?” He seemed confused enough. Jade wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up as well.

“You’re going skiing with me. I need you to do something besides mope around. Come on.” He smiled weakly. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. The school trip was definitely a nice distraction from reality.